I'm So Excited!

I am going to experience something tomorrow that I have dreamed about for 7 years...maybe longer. My wonderful family is having a baby shower for me! :) As the days creep closer and closer the more excited I get. It's almost like Christmas when I was a child ~ and reminds me of that commercial about the kids trying to sleep before going on a vacation to Disneyland "I can't sleep....I'm too excited to sleep!"
The onset of this baby shower planning brought with it a myriad of emotions....excitement, nervousness (not a fan of being the center of attention), sadness, joy, resentment, overwhelming appreciation, a flooding of memories thinking about where I was this time last year, and pure love. The situation is not what I dreamed of for the last several years....I don't have a big belly to proudly show off, I didn't get to pick out the "cutest" maternity outfit, I don't have ultrasound photos to share with everyone, or have that beautiful pregnancy glow, our baby doesn't get to be a part of it...he's several hundred miles away in someone else's womb being taken care of by someone I hardly know. However, this celebration marks an event that overwhelms our hearts and far exceeds our expectations. We are having a baby and he's going to be here soon!
I never knew for sure if I would ever have the chance to experience this type of celebration. The coming of a little one to our family. With every shower that I've helped plan and every shower that I've attended in the past several years... I always wondered when it would be my turn.....and tomorrow...it's my turn.
And on the eve of this joyous celebration I feel nothing but blessed. Blessed in such a way that many others who have never journeyed down this adoption road will never have the pleasure of feeling. I will never take my son for granted, he has been prayed for, worked for and loved for many many years already. The place he will have in our family will be so special and he will know that every day of his life. So, tomorrow....it's okay that I don't have all of those other things because I have been blessed with the road that has lead me to my son. And I am going to be a mother and that's all I've ever wanted.