I sweet friend reminded me that it's been a while since I posted anything. :) There seems to be many reasons for that....I've been really busy trying to prepare as much as possible for our little one, I finished my Algebra class last week with an A (yay!), holiday craziness, another trip up north to visit with our potential birthmother, feelings of feeling so much and not being able to put those thoughts into words, the fear of all of this falling apart, and the feeling of being in a very "in between" place and not knowing what to do with myself.
Things are going well ~ no reason to feel that they won't continue to. But I'm feeling very emotionally vulnerable. The point of self preservation is past and I'm already madly in love with this baby. What if they change their mind ~ what if I have to get on a plane to come home with no baby yet bags of unworn baby clothes and bottles? How would I get through that? Obvisouly I know that as the baby's birthmother ~ that is her right.....I would have to accept it, but I don't know how I would get through that. For some reason this has been on my mind so much more lately...as the due date draws nearer. I'm so excited, but I'm equally scared. I know the key is having faith.....maybe it's because each time we've had parenthood at our fingertips, it's ended with disappointmentan hurt. My mind can't even comprehend that this time we might actually have our dream come true.
We have been working on some very special gifts for our potential birthmother and they are finally complete! That project has been a long one and it feels so good to be prepared in that area for when "the call" comes. :) As far as I know she is still doing well and not feeling much different than she has been. She will be 37 weeks this week! :)
I think we are almost ready.......now it's just up to him. :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I know the anxiety must be horrendous? Like being afraid to breath. I don't really know how to offer any solace...whatever will be will be. Just remember everyone else is with you and feeling the same way.
vonda put it very well.....and you said it too jamie....having faith that this is meant to be....but it still is a bit hard to breathe as january slips through our fingers and draws closer to february..i was thinking that this morning..that soon it may happen.......actually happen!!!!! :)...love you and matt so and you are in my heart 24/7!
I can't even imagine that feeling of knowing this is actually going to happen. Like you, I know the disappointment and loss. It is hard to imagine one day there will be a baby in your arms. But there WILL and he is coming soon! I can't wait to hear about the gifts for the PBMOM! Stay strong and be good to one another!
I can only begin to imagine the myriad of thoughts and feelings you must be having now. I think it is very normal for your to be feeling scared and vulnerable. The truth is that we are all vulnerable through this process, and never more so that at the point you're at now. I wish you comfort and peace as you continue to anticipate the big day. I do think faith is the answer, but I also think it's easier to say that than to actually practice it.
Personally I think it's a good thing that you have let go of self preservation. There comes a time for all of us when we have to let go and just ride with the wind. We may fall, but then again we may crest a beautiful hill and find our dreams.
You are in my thoughts and prayers...I am anxiously waiting right alongside you!
Melba
Hi Jamie, the last few weeks are some of the most difficult, that's true. Everything sounds great so far! I agree to just have faith and try to breathe. I still remember feeling so nervous those last couple of days...waiting to meet R for the first time:) then 24hours later waiting for the signing...it will happen and K will be there right with you throughout the process. She truly was wonderful during that time...so supportive. Looking forward to hearing more as your due date approaches:) Hugs,Lori
hi jamie - i found your blog through bri's. i was in your situation just this past summer - the anxiety and excitement can be so overwhelming...and knowing you can't do anything about it is so hard! just remember that this birthmom chose you for a reason and keep focused on the baby. i am praying for you and your birthmom and will follow your journey. best of luck!!!
Jamie (and Matt) our prayers have been with you now for years. They grow stronger as this much anticipated date draws closer. I have nothing more creative to say than what others have already said. Our love, prayers and hope go to you, your family and the birthmom. Much love to all of you.
Post a Comment