Open Adoption Round Table Discussion #4

I am part of an open adoption roundtable discussion group and while I've not participated in the first three discussions.....I've decided to participate in the fourth. :)

Heather from "Production Not Reproduction" writes: "Our fourth assignment is to write about a small moment that open adoption made possible. It might be about something that happened during an interaction or conversation if you have face-to-face contact. Or a moment centered on a letter or picture, if you don't. Just a single, small moment that could not have happened if the adoption were not open."

My words....
Certainly being present for the birth of our son was the "biggest", grandest moment in regards to having an open adoption. The gift of witnessing the details and each moment of his transition into the world is a gift that goes beyond words. We will be forever grateful to be able to pass this story onto Milo through our own words out of experience of being there to see it happen.

We have not yet had a reunion meeting with Milo's birthmother/birthfamily, but a couple of small moments have happened recently that have caused me to be even more grateful for this experience of open adoption and our being present for his birth.

For some reason I have had people asking recently about Milo's birth ancestry. We already knew that he was part Italian due to the nurse asking what "nationality" he was in the hospital. I think she wondered if he was part indian or maybe mexican due to his complexion and mass of black hair. :) H's (birthmom's) sister responded that the birthfather was full Italian. Ok....that explains it. For some reason H's ancestry had never come up in conversation. A few days ago somebody asked me "I know he's half Italian, but what is the other half"? Ummm.......I felt stupid saying "I don't know" and this made me want to cry. How could I have been so careless not to ask this question.....especially for Milo's sake. I had visions of him being in school trying to create an essay talking about where his ancestor's are from and us having to tell him we don't know and looking at his little face drop. (see I'm brought to tears just thinking about that!) Then....I realized that I have access to Milo's birthmom. :) While I didn't get much detail as to the percentages of each (getting a young perspective in asking this question) I am happy to say that I know Milo is half Italian and half........German, Dutch, Irish and Cherokee Indian! :) I would not have this information if not for our open adoption! My heart feels happy knowing this and now I can answer this question.....when/if it comes up again and especially for Milo! :)


Another situation was during a visit to a local indoor tumbling play area. There were obviously other moms/babies there and while I had gone with my sister, I was in a separate area for designated "crawlers". Moms (especially of baby aged children I have found) are very inquisitive and interested in all the things regarding your baby and sharing all the details of theirs. Most often the conversation turns to pregnancy and of course....labor and delivery. In comparing the petite size of one particular baby to that of Milo :) one mom asked me...."how much did he weigh when he was born?" I proudly and without hesitation said "8lbs. 14oz". To which she replied "wow ~ and you're so little!". :) While the compliment felt nice.....the fact that I could be a part of this conversation, chiming in with little details about the day Milo was born made me so grateful for our open adoption. Right away my thoughts turned to those that have formed their families through adoption who have no idea how much their children weighed when they were born or who don't have any details about the day their baby was born. My heart went out to those who must struggle with the "not knowing" aspects of their adoption and I was once again reminded of the great blessing Milo's birthmom gave us by allowing us the opportunity to be a part of this magnificent event.


Thank you Heather for getting my brain juices flowing again. :)